The best thing in life...is simply living.

When you are aware of, hear, see and feel the pain and sadness in the lives of others, it can only make you appreciate what you have – not what you don’t have, haven’t had in the past or won’t have in the future.

So many people who have really lovely lives love to moan; about their job being crap, they want a new car, the kids are getting on their nerves, they’ve no money to go on holiday, the're husband doesn't do the washing up right, life's not fair, I hate.. I want... Yarda yarda yarda (You know what I mean?)... and yes, we all fall into the poor me trap sometimes, but we get out before we get bogged down with poor me syndrome. So how is it that so many people do not jump out of that hole before it becomes a deep dark and sulky life, losing the capability to look up to see how beautiful the sky is, or appreciate that they can pick up the phone and talk to the person they love or even appreciate that they have a working body?

I think maybe society today wants so much that they just can’t see what they have – the simplest things is what makes up your life, your everyday tasks; for me washing up with my music blaring and shaking my bum in time to the beat, tidying up the incessant mess my 2 year old makes, picking up my daughter from school and hearing her babble on about what she has done, working until the small hours in the office with my husband beside me on his computer tapping away, the snuggle and kiss goodnight before we fall asleep... and most importantly waking up to radio 6 (they always have a great song on at 6am!) getting up and getting out of bed is bloody hard work when it’s cold outside and you’ve only had 4 hours sleep, but it’s a new day and it’s another day in your life to carry on doing those simple things that one day will be taken away from you.

Living life ... It’s great. It’s so simple, good God, I would miss it if I couldn't do it!

How do I tell these grumpy folks to wake up to life?


"Because terminal illness robs its victims of so much. Of all the ordinary days which drift past without you noticing — the days of simply sharing a life as it goes by" Roads -the price of love blog

Chiltern Woodland Burial Park

I have been waiting to visit the new Chiltern Woodland burial Park since it opened up in November. In fact when I heard there was one opening up I just wanted to burst with excitement! Our area was crying out for a good woodland burial park and when I found out it was the same organisation as Epping forest then I knew it was going to be great!

I decided to take my daughter along to see it, she’s only 2 and a half and I thought she could run around and get some fresh air while we wondered round the woodland chatting to Fran Hall the site manager. The development is still very new, none of the buildings are finished, there’s some construction work going on and the office is a portacabin! However, you instantly see right through the imperfections. The woodland is just breath taking, it’s beautiful, its perfect and its development is Unanimous. I don’t want to seem as all hippy dippy about it, but I can’t help but be overwhelmed at how wonderful the woodland is. Its energy and its beauty is consuming .

The buildings are beautifully designed – still unfinished but judging by the photos of Epping forest buildings then they will be nothing but harmonious with the woodland surroundings. Fran gave me an insight into creativity and spiritualism reflected in the architecture of the wooden buildings. (it’s something I feel is impossible for interpret back to you but will seek out more info about it to pass on)

Fran is lovely, she was a funeral directors for 6 years and understands how hard it is to prove yourself as a young woman in the male dominated funeral industry so naturally we got on well and connect over our vision and the drive for the future of the funeral industry . You can instantly see why Fran and her team will make the woodlands a home for everyone who comes to visit. She is open and accommodating to all ideas as long as it respectful to the woodland.

I can’t wait to see the park complete in the spring. I just want to take people, clients, friends and family to see it. Show them that it’s not such a dark, morbid and scary place as their mind sees! I’ve spoken to friends and mums & dads at the pre-school gates about this fantastic place and they look at me as if I am some crazy weird woman – I mean who the hell gets over excited about a burial ground? I just want to say, hey come and see for yourself, it’s amazing, It’s beautiful, its tranquil and it’s the way forward.

In truth, walking into the woodland last week gave made me realise why I was so excited about this place – the woodland makes death more acceptable, even beautiful. It lifts a layer of taboo, peels back the shade hiding the reality of death and tackles the stigma attached to the processes.

Maybe this is the first step to cracking the great British way of ‘not wanting to think about or deal with death’

Great book and great folk!

I am in the middle of reading a fab book at the moment – called 'Big Hearted Man', I’m only on page 75 but the book has moved me so much that I just had to share it with you... Kate Boydell
wrote the book after she was widowed in 1998 after nine years of marriage to her beloved husband Charlie. He died of heart failure at the age of 37.

Please take a look at her website www.merrywidow.me.uk this is a hugely popular online resource for anyone who has lost a partner. Her Second book Death and How to Survive has had some fantastic reviews too.

While we are on about books ...

I must introduce you all to a fellow Funeral Buddy Charles Cowling who writes a fabulous blog with some controversial and funny posts. He’s due to have a book published called ‘The Good Funeral Guide’ . Its sure to be a fantasic handbook and a real insight into the fast changing funeral Industry. I cannot wait to see it in the bookshops.

Naive?

Yes yes, so much for my New Year resolution of blogging at least once a week *slap on wrist*

My excuse is that I've been working hard! I've been busy as a bee preparing and giving presentations about Sentiment Ltd - There have been some hairy moments and a few times when all 6 computers in this office were on their way out the window - PowerPoint and myself are not friends!! However, all in all, it has been a fun start to 2009.

This last week I met up with a TV production company who approached me with the view of possibly hosting a TV show about funerals. So I headed into London Town to meet the TV company and talk through their ideas. The nice TV chap said to me... "We want to follow the stories of 6 people who are dying. They will need to pre-plan their funeral and then when they die we will film it." He went on to tell me that he needs to do this in a 6 month time scale! I sort of looked at the poor guy with a bit of a blank expression and asked him what happens if these people live beyond the 6 months?

His response was... "Well, if they've got something like motor neurone disease, they're guaranteed to die right?" Oh my god I wanted to laugh so hard! If it wasn't for the fact he was so sweet and genuinely serious, with all the best intentions of showing funerals in the right light, I may have slapped him in the face and told him to wake up to the reality that this real life we are talking about?

Anyway, I saw it as endearing and naive, so I'll forgive him and hope that he has gone back to the drawing board with a bit more research, understanding and compassion! I suppose when you've had no experience whatsoever with death and dying, you can see life so black and white!

On the 3rd day of Christmas...

On the 3rd day of Christmas my accountant said to me “I don’t have a will” – * needle scratches record* YOU DON’T HAVE A WILL?? You have to be kidding me right?

The reason this conversation started is because he’s reading a Jeremy Clarkson autobiography - apparently Jeremy talks about the fact when you hit 40 years of age you begin to spend every day for the rest of your life thinking about your death (I’m sure Jeremy Clarkson has a much more humorous way of writing than I do)… anyway

Since my accountant has turned the ripe old age of 40 he has in fact developed an irrational thinking of death - he fears his man flu is going to turn into throat cancer and his aching old leg joints are thrombosis, his acid indigestion is a heart attack, and the effects of last night curry is going to cause certain death!

So if you think this way how on earth can you not have a will??

“I’ve been meaning to do it for years”
“All our money will just go to the kid’s, right?”
“I suppose the kids would go and live with my sister”,
“Actually my sister in law is a control freak and she would want the kids”
“My brother and his wife would be best for the kids”
“Yes I suppose the whole family would feel they’d have right to our kids”
“Gosh I’d never thought of that”
“I just assumed we wouldn’t really need a will”

It costs about £100 for a will and about £150 for 2 wills

For peace of mind and for the sake of any family disputes why would you not make a will?

'stepping up, stepping in and facing the facts'

I am about to face some facts - the fact is all the people I work with or the people I work for are either dead or dying. They are not 'passed on' and they are not 'lost' - they are dead! It hurts for me to say it but from now on I'm going to say it! No skirting round the truth!

When I say 'I'm sorry for your loss', what I really mean is 'I really am bloody sorry your mum died and I see your pain'. But I don't want to say it because I feel it may hurt them and I don't want to hurt them anymore than they are already hurting - So I skirt round the truth, fluff it up and say anything but the reality of the situation!

When we speak to the bereaved, we say 'she had a great life' or 'she was loved'. Yarda yarda yarda - If there's a window of opportunity not to be sad then hands up, I'll take it, as will everyone else if they are to be honest. Its the easy option... but what about the people we are driving off from? Leaving them on the side of the road to find their own way home just to save an uncomfortable journey!?

By skirting round the truth, we are putting the bereaved into a situation where they end up looking after us, the non bereaved. They save our feelings because we are uncomfortable and they know that. So they try to save us from any more uncomfortable English situations! The bereaved protect our feelings by being positive or changing the subject, we act all polite (and thankful for our escape), then we make our excuses and bugger off on our own to have a cry for being so bloody useless, leaving the bereaved to bugger off on their own for a cry because everyone is being so bloody useless!!!

Now - I'm really good at my job because people come to me, they want my help, they open the door for me to come in and so its easy(ish) for me to help - but when my own distant family die I find it really hard to step up because I don't want to invade - I have no idea why I feel this way... its ironic really - however something is tapping me on the shoulder and saying - things need to change, not just with me but with the whole of the UK!

Suggestions on a postcard please!

Funeral Favours

I was reading the daily undertaker today, the author wrote an article on parting gifts (what I call Funeral Favours). Here at Sentiment, we love 'Funeral Favours'. If you love giving gifts and you are pre-planning your own funeral, then why not leave a little something as a thank you to your friends and family - it doesn't have to cost anything.

Some people have sugared almonds as a traditional wedding favour (apologies for any one who had them at their wedding, but yuck!!! ). These days there is a craze for bending the rules of tradition and giving something unique. For my own wedding we hand painted (*roll of the eyes*) Yes HAND PAINTED 130 glass tea light holders!!! At 5am in the morning and with 50 still to go, it dawned on me that it wasn't the best idea I'd had! However, I have a friend who went one better. Hillary ever so stupidly thought that making an assortment of home made Jams to give to each of her 120 guests was a great idea - she didn't sleep for a week! (They did taste good though)

Ok so we're not talking weddings here, we're talking funerals. And I'm sure most of my clients have better things to do with their short lives than paint tea lights and make jam!

For one young lady (Sarah), we came up with the idea of handing out Cadbury's chocolate bars at her funeral. Sarah loved Cadbury's chocolate (don't we all? As I type this blog, the other half of my brain is planning my escape out of the office and down to the newsagents to buy myself a Cadbury's Cruchie!) Back to my point... Sarah imagined her friends finding the time to sit with their chocolate bars, with a nice cup of tea and reminisce about the good times they had together. Her other reason was that chocolate helps release endorphins and this would help her friends and family smile!

Here are a few other funeral favour ideas we have used:
Packs of Gardening seeds
Tribute DVD
Photos
Candles (scented)
For me - I'd give everyone a mix cd with 20 of my favourite songs. I like the idea of my friends hoovering their houses on a Sunday morning playing my CD on the highest volume and singing their heads off, or maybe on a road trip, or lying a beach somewhere. Or evening better - listening to my mix on their iPod's when they run their charity 'Race For Life'.

So what would be your Funeral Favour? Do you think the whole idea is awful? Please let me know your thoughts.